STE: Hoshis Valentine
by ZenosParadox
Summary: RS, others including Shran. Malcolm is trying to write a Valentine for Hoshi. Can any of his friends help? 1 of 1.


Title: Hoshi's Valentine PG-13 Author: ZenosParadox  
  
Summary: Malcolm tries to write a Valentine to Hoshi, but can he get any help from his friends?  
  
Notes: Drabbles from the Dear Hoshi thread in the R/S forum at LD. Completed Feb 15, 2004. Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. This fiction was written solely for personal enjoyment.  
  
HOSHI'S VALENTINE  
  
Ahem.   
  
Yes, that was a good start. Definitely the perfect phrase:  
  
~Dearest Hoshi,~  
  
The rest shouldn't be so difficult. Just a quick swig of--spew!  
  
When the hell did the coffee get so cold? I just started the note not, uh, well, it has been a while it seems. Fine, no caffeine is fine. It's not like this is weapons repair.  
  
Ahem.  
  
~For some time now I have noticed how you affect me.~  
  
Perfect. She sounds like an allergy. I can see it now:   
  
"Dr. Phlox, why is Malcolm sneezing around me?"  
  
"Well, it should be obvious, Ensign. He's allergic to love. I would avoid intimate contact. I predict that would make him break out in a rash."  
  
All right, I have made a firm decision. No language about how Hoshi affects me. How about:  
  
~How are you? I hope you are fine.~  
  
no, No, NO!  
  
I'll never get this right. But who could help me?  
  
~~~~~  
  
~Dearest Hoshi,~  
  
Malcolm looked into the brown eyes and said, "What do you think?"  
  
One eyebrow quirked.  
  
"Yes, I thought it was appropriate. Now, let me think. I've got it."  
  
~I have come to value your companionship during our time on Enterprise.~  
  
The mouth fell into a semblance of a smile.  
  
"I see you approve. Let's continue."  
  
~I appreciate your trustworthiness and loyalty through all of our adventures.~  
  
Malcolm took a look at his colleague and added:  
  
~And I like the way you shake your tail.~  
  
"Wait, no, no, that will never do!"  
  
"Arf! Arf!"  
  
Malcolm dropped his head into his hands. "Great, I'm making her sound like a dog."  
  
"Growl, ruff!"  
  
"Everyone's a critic," grumbled Malcolm.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Porthos looks happy. Thanks for watching him, Malcolm."  
  
"No problem, sir. He was actually helping me with a little writing project."  
  
"Oh, really?" Archer looked at Porthos and then said, "I think a human would be more helpful. Have a seat. What's this project?"  
  
"Oh, no, sir, it's personal."  
  
"Ah, I get it. You don't have too much time until Valentine's Day."   
  
Archer wasn't a Captain for nothing! He smiled indulgently at his British officer. The man obviously wanted his help but was too bashful to ask. "Want some pointers on how to make a good impression through prose? It's my specialty, you know."  
  
"Er, um, yes, well, you probably have better--"  
  
"Nonsense, in fact, I insist. I'll just write a list of pointers so that you can keep your Lady Love confidential."   
  
Archer winked at Reed as he tapped out his list on Reed's data PADD. When he finished, he handed it back with a flourish. "Guaranteed, Malcolm. Trust me."  
  
Right. Trust a man who's been kidnapped from his own ship more times than he's made a successful first contact. Well, what did he have to lose?  
  
-----  
  
~Dearest Hoshi,~  
  
Malcolm checked his notes. He could actually imagine the Captain reading his work over his shoulder.   
  
~In this world, or rather back on Earth, the dolphins have a way of showing their affections.~  
  
Malcolm frowned and checked his notes again. No, it really did say dolphins.  
  
~See, a couple of dolphins form an alliance. This alliance is used to the benefit of the two.~  
  
Yes, that sounded better. Malcolm continued.  
  
~Of course, the alliance is between two males...~  
  
What! That would never do! What was Archer thinking? He sighed. He had to have faith in his Captain. Surely this was going somewhere relevant to expressing his feelings.  
  
~...and they use this alliance to corral a female dolphin, making sure she cannot escape their attention.~  
  
Somehow that sounds like sexual harassment in humans, thought Malcolm. Was there anything positive here at all?  
  
~So like the dolphins who become obsessed with their mate, so do you affect me, my dearest ______ (fill in the name of your beloved).~  
  
Malcolm wadded the note and threw it in the wastebasket muttering, "No wonder the Captain is single."  
  
~~~~~  
  
Stupid cheer prelude:  
  
~Shran! Shran! He's our man!~  
  
~If he can't help Reed, no one can!~  
  
Lieutenant Reed walked cautiously at the starbase. Enterprise had docked for supplies, so the crew was taking small 2-hour jaunts for personal time. As he passed the station bar he heard voices behind him just before he was shoved into the wall.   
  
He turned quickly to find a familiar blue-skinned alien with antenna waving threateningly as Shran fended off his attackers.  
  
"Are you just going to stand there, Pink-skin, or are you going to help?" asked the Andorian derisively.   
  
Reed was about to walk away until Shran sent one of his attackers straight into the human's gut. Reed had no choice but to join the fracas.  
  
-----  
  
And that's how Malcolm Reed, ultimate pink-skin, wound up in the station brig with Shran, the quintessential blue-skin.  
  
"I suppose your Captain will be around any time now to release you," said Shran.  
  
"Do you mind?" asked Reed in irritation. He had pulled out his data PADD thinking to work on his Valentine letter to Hoshi, but Shran had been too talkative.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do. Here I am trying to promote interspecies relationships, but you stubbornly refuse to engage." At this point Shran tore the PADD away from Reed.  
  
"Dearest Hoshi," Shran read. His antenna perked up in interest. "What's a Hoshi?"  
  
"Not what, who," said Reed as he grabbed the data PADD from Shran and turned his back on the man.  
  
"Ah, I see. It's no wonder. Yes, it's perfectly clear." Shran's antenna now held a rigid posture.  
  
Reed tried to ignore the man, but couldn't. "What is clear?"  
  
"You have trouble with relationships within your own species, so how could you build one with an alien? By the way, this Hoshi is a woman?"  
  
"Yes, she's a woman, and I don't have problems with, well, actually, I don't even have a relationship with Hoshi," moaned Malcolm.  
  
"But you want to change that." Shran approached Malcom and asked. "So what does she look like? Does she have the sickly pink skin like yours?"  
  
"No, her skin is--is like cream, her lips are the color of strawberries, and she has beautiful almond-shaped eyes." Malcolm began to blush and said, "Never mind."  
  
"I can help. Begin with this. Ahem." Shran stood with straight posture and perky antenna to say, "Dearest Hoshi, everything about you makes me want to consume you."  
  
"What? No, no, that will never do. She'll get the idea that I want to, uh, never mind."  
  
"But every reference you made to her appearance was based on food." The antenna quirked inwardly at each other.  
  
"It's descriptive, that's all."   
  
"I see. So you don't really want to--"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"No wonder you can't get a woman." The antenna seemed to nod.  
  
Malcolm sighed and prayed that Archer would appear soon so he could be released.  
  
Shran then whispered in Malcolm's ear as his antenna gave two quick flicks, "Let me describe a few techniques to you. First you stroke the antenna. Oh, wait, your females are bald, aren't they? Such a shame. Anyway, I recommend you begin with..."  
  
~~~~~  
  
Malcolm surveyed the mess hall and found Travis sitting alone at a table. Perfect. Unlike a certain blue-skinned alien he knew, Travis understood when to keep quiet.   
  
Actually, Travis looked quite glum. Perhaps he was having problems with his own Valentine?   
  
"Hey, Malcolm, take a seat. How was doing time with Shran?"  
  
"Not quite hell, more like purgatory." Malcolm chewed his food thoughtfully. "Actually, it was more like one of the levels of Dante's inferno. Let me think a moment, it will come to me."  
  
"Hello, gentlemen," said the soft voice of the linguist. She didn't bother asking for permission from her boys to join them. In fact, as soon as she sat down, she reached over to Malcolm's plate with her fork and stabbed one of the mushrooms sliding off his burger.  
  
"Mmm, I didn't know we had mushrooms!" Hoshi's pink tongue darted out and licked her lips in delight.  
  
Malcolm told himself to quit thinking of bubble-gum. He could almost hear Shran's voice in his mind.  
  
"Chef thought I needed a treat after being in the brig," said Malcolm a bit reluctantly. He was supposed to be an example to his crew.  
  
Hoshi knew better than to ask about details, so she satisfied herself with stealing one more itinerant mushroom as she surveyed the helmsman.  
  
"You look down, Travis. What's wrong?"   
  
Travis shrugged and said, "I want to give a girl a nice Valentine, but I've developed writer's block. Nothing sounds right."  
  
Malcolm's interest perked up. He took a sip of water as he considered this opportunity. By listening to Hoshi coach Travis, he would be able to determine just the right words to use for his Valentine to Hoshi. He smiled at his strategy. "Have you at least started with something?"  
  
Travis shook his head. "Can't even get that far."  
  
Malcolm looked at Hoshi, but she was nibbling her food, still considering. He quickly offered his advice, "How about beginning with Dearest, uh, who is this woman?"  
  
"Yeah! Yes, that's it! Dearest Dierdre." Travis was smiling at his friend, only to see Hoshi frowning and shaking her head. The men looked at each other, then to the linguist.  
  
"Stop," said Hoshi as she made a T with her two hands. "Uh uh, that's too old fashioned."  
  
"Old fashioned," mumbled Malcolm.  
  
"I guess I don't want to sound like an anachronism," said Travis as he agreed. "Come on, you're the linguist, help me out."  
  
Hoshi put her elbows on the table and steepled her fingers. "Travis, this is my advice. Consonance will get you nowhere. Forget the letter--"  
  
"He should do flowers then?" asked Malcolm with Travis sharing a questioning look.  
  
"No, no flowers, no gifts."  
  
The men now really looked perplexed.   
  
Hoshi smiled a bit condescendingly to them and said, "Timing has to be perfect. You two work out together, right?"  
  
Travis nodded.  
  
"Perfect. Now, just before you enter the gym and get all hot and sweaty, just grab her and kiss her breathless."  
  
Travis frowned. "I'm not sure. I mean, she is a MACO. What if I'm being too forward and she wallops me?"  
  
Travis was rubbing his chin now and no one had noticed that Malcolm was turning as blue as Shran. He was choking on a piece of the hamburger bun as the image of grabbing Hoshi and planting one on her had invaded his thoughts.  
  
"She won't wallop you, Travis. Trust me," said Hoshi reassuringly.  
  
"What do you think, Malcolm?" asked Travis. "Malcolm?"  
  
"Oh my God, he's choking!" Hoshi was standing, but Travis had the longer reach and began pounding Malcolm on the back.  
  
Malcolm finally swallowed and began coughing. "Sorry, bread got caught."  
  
"You okay now?" asked Travis. After Malcolm nodded, he added, "Good. So, you think I ought to follow Hoshi's advice?"  
  
"Well, the worst that could happen is that she'll knock you flat on your ass," offered Malcolm as he was still trying to collect his thoughts. Yes, that's precisely what would happen to him if he ever grabbed Hoshi and kissed her.  
  
"You're right. Love hurts or something like that. Thanks," said Travis. He had finished his dinner, so he stood quickly and said good-bye.  
  
Malcolm noticed Hoshi was chuckling to herself as she watched Travis walking away.  
  
"What's so funny?" Malcolm looked as Hoshi sent a wink at a table in the far corner. Sitting there was Deirdre, the object of Travis' affections. The light came on. "You're setting him up!"  
  
"Don't tell him. Deirdre's been getting frustrated that Travis hasn't made a move on her yet. I thought he just needed a push in the right direction."  
  
"I see." Malcolm considered this a moment and asked tentatively, "So you wouldn't recommend for a man to just grab a woman--"  
  
"Hell, no! I'd deck the guy," said Hoshi with a nod of her head. A sigh escaped her as she added, "I guess I'm just old-fashioned, but I still like the idea of nice, sentimental Valentine."  
  
Malcolm hid his smile in the next bite of his burger. ~Dearest Hoshi~ it is, he thought. Now if he could just finish it!  
  
~~~~~  
  
Malcolm Reed looked glumly at the letter as he sat in the mess hall. It was midnight and that meant Valentine's Day was now upon them.  
  
~Dearest Hoshi,~  
  
In spite of his best efforts, that was still all it said. The blank screen mocked him. "I wish I had a formula for this."  
  
He spoke the words aloud, but was surprised when a familiar Vulcan responded. "Perhaps I can assist you, Lieutenant. I know many formulas."  
  
Malcolm bit back a smile. T'Pol was the last person he'd ever go to for help with this matter. Well, besides Shran. "It's nothing, Sub-commander, just a bit of writer's block."  
  
"I see." T'Pol took a sip of her tea, but then said, "Captain Archer says that to combat writer's block in humans, it is advised to simply write down anything that comes to mind."  
  
"Yes, I've had his advice on this already," said Malcolm. He still cringed as the thought about Dolphins.  
  
"Is this a very complex project?" asked the Vulcan.  
  
"Yes, you could say that," responded Malcolm.   
  
"Any complexity can be broken into its component parts. Perhaps you should apply--" T'Pol seemed to search for the words for a moment, "Occam's Razor, I believe you call it."  
  
Malcolm smiled indulgently. "Yes, KISS would be quite appropriate in this matter."  
  
"Kiss? I do not believe I mentioned kissing. Have you been speaking with Commander Tucker?" asked T'Pol with her eyes narrowing suspiciously.  
  
Malcolm bit his cheek to keep from laughing. So, the rumors there were true? He explained with a straight tone. "KISS means Keep It Simple, Stupid. It's a way of stating Occam's Razor."  
  
"Indeed," said T'Pol with a quirk of her eyebrow.  
  
"Indeed," echoed Malcolm.  
  
-----  
  
Malcolm looked at the data PADD and took a deep breath. He looked at the sheet of paper that was red on one side and white on the other. He folded it in half and began his work. First, he used his pinpoint laser to etch a dotted outline of a simple heart on the cover of the Valentine. Then he cut out the slender shape of an eight-pointed star in the upper right segment of the heart.  
  
Malcolm finally wrote his words neatly as he opened the sheet.   
  
~Dearest Hoshi,~  
  
~I know the words are simple, but they are exact.~  
  
~I know the sentiment is old, but it is offered with a pure heart.~  
  
~I know they may be one-sided, but that won't change their truth.~  
  
~I love you.~  
  
~Malcolm~  
  
~~~~~  
  
Hoshi appeared at his door and Malcolm's heart lurched. Her head was bent and she seemed absorbed by the card she held in her hand. She finally looked into his eyes and relief flooded him.  
  
"Malcolm? I--I'm, I don't know--I just wanted--Oh, to hell with this!"  
  
Hoshi Sato, supreme linguist of Starfleet, had been left speechless by a simple Valentine. So she did what any smart woman would do.   
  
She grabbed Malcolm Reed and kissed him breathless.   
  
There was a lot to be said for nonverbal communication.  
  
*****  
  
Thanks for reading. No reviews are necessary. 


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